No worries, you’re not the only one who wants to check this baby out b/c like most people with a sense of freaky adventure, a midget sex tape ranks fairly high on my list of things to see before I die.

Kevin Blatt, the bastard behind the Paris Hilton sex tape, is supposedly in talks to ice a $100K deal with SugarDVD, so it should be too long. Patience, Daniel-San, patience!

I think modeling must be one of the worst jobs in the world. I know everyone jokes that all you have to do is stand there and look pretty… but what about that last part, what happens when you don’t look so pretty? Everyone’s body changes over time – even the best models out there can’t stay 19 forever. I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to have people the world over scrutinizing your body, pointing out every single tiny flaw.

Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova is being called fat after appearing on the runway this past week less than scary skinny. She had a teeny, tiny amount of meat on her bones that was visible when she made certain motions. She’s still far, far from what the average thin woman looks like.

Fashion critics have blasted model Karolina Kurkova for looking too fat in a bikini. Seriously. The Czech model wore a bikini in a recent Cia Maritima runway show and revealed what the horrified style snobs called “back fat, love handles and cellulite.”

Karolina Kurkova, 24, is one of the highest-earning models in the world, according to Forbes, and is best known for being a Victoria’s Secret Angel and whose super-fit physique has graced the pages of international fashion mags.

But after the show during Sao Paulo’s Fashion Week, a Brazilian paper noted that the leggy 5-foot-11 Kurkova “shocked” the audience when she appeared looking uncharacteristically chubby with “cellulite on her butt.”

I would give every penny I ever had to look like this woman does right now. For even a day. I cannot imagine what is going on with people, and the freakish – and unrealistic – expectations we have about what women should look like. I realize she’s a model and paid to look perfect – but how is this not good enough?

Eva Longoria is not pregnant. “She’s not pregnant now if that’s your question,” her husband Tony Parker tells OK!

Rumors swirled for the umpteenth time earlier this month when the Desperate Housewives actress was captured sporting a loose-fitting dress, but Tony says that’s nothing to get worked up over. In fact, fatherhood is the furthest thing from his mind at the moment.

“I’m not thinking like that right now,” he says.

For her part, Eva, 33, hasn’t been shy about her maternal desires, but has stated she doesn’t want to start a family just yet — a sentiment her San Antonio Spur echoes.

“Maybe one day [we’ll have kids],” Tony says.

And when they do, there may be another NBA MVP in the future. The 26-year-old, who’s the cover boy for EA Sports’ NBA Live 2009 on Xbox, says he would definitely encourage his children to pick up sports.

“Of course. It has been great,” he says. “I don’t think it’s a lot of people you can say having a job and earning money and being happy with what you do. I’m very, very lucky.”

Now that the NBA season is over, Tony is looking forward to some quality time with his wife. The couple will celebrate their first wedding anniversary on July 7, and while Tony doesn’t have any plans or gifts for Eva yet, he is certain about one thing — married life.

“It’s been great,” he says.

It’s not all bad news on The Two Coreys: The A&E reality show will document the Playboy cover shoot of Corey Feldman’s wife, Susie! “When Hugh Hefner asked us himself, it was very moving,” Corey says. “Hef has been a friend for a long time — he was at our wedding. It was hard to say no.”

One thing Corey and Susie did say no to: A big payday. “Being that it was art, we didn’t want to make it a business thing,” explains Corey. “So she basically did it for free.”

Corey couldn’t be more pleased with the results, which will appear in the August issue. “I’m very proud,” he says. “She’s a beautiful girl and deserves to be worshipped!” Corey calls Susie’s shoot “ridiculously hot.”

Sources insist to me that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck. Say it ain’t so, baby-cakes! Nevertheless, waiting on comment now from both parties. Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? Perhaps.

Bite your fucking tongue, asshole. First Ryan and Alanis. And now Ben and Jennifer? No sir. Not true. Ain’t happening. And your an assfacehole dickmonster loobyhockey dillymobile for even suggesting it. It will never happen. And they should sue you for slander. And libel. And then someone should kick you in the ribs for passing along tainted gossip.